In the cathartic romantic comedy-drama, “Departures,” Benji (writer/co-director Lloyd Eyre-Morgan) tries to process his break-up with Jake (David Tag). “Going backward to move forward,” he re-visits Amsterdam, where the two men used to meet for sex once a month. Jake had an “arrangement” where he would pay for the flights so they could be together there, but the men would never connect back home in Manchester.
Benji can’t stop thinking about Jake, however. Even as he tries to escape through drugs or hookups, he needs to confront what happened. “Departures” show how Benji thinks back on the red flags in the relationship, but also shows some of Jake’s story that reveals why he behaves the way he does.
Eyer-Morgan’s film is very relatable as Benji grapples with insecurities on the way to empowerment, and “Departures” will resonate with anyone who has struggled in and after a relationship, toxic or not. The filmmaker spoke with Gay City News about his fantastic new film.
Your film is inspired by “all the dickheads that f–ked you over.” Can you talk about making art that imitates life?
It was quite therapeutic. Everything on the screen happened either to me or Neil, the codirector. It’s not based on one specific person; it’s more an amalgamation of experiences and people Neil and I knew. I was having a bit of a bad time and feeling that kind of grief of losing someone. I was in a pretty dark place when I started writing and making it, and by the end of it, I wasn’t. Turning that energy into something creative helped. It was a good process. It is a really personal film, and what happens in it has happened. It’s our truth. Turning negative experiences into something creative is good coping mechanism.
You acted in, wrote, and co-directed a film based on your life. Did you find yourself reliving this trauma?
I think the most difficult part was for Neil, because the sexual assault in the film happened to him. I wanted to get that right for Neil and for survivors of assault. As for reliving toxic relationship and trauma, because the script brings humor to it, it wasn’t too heavy. Some of it was difficult. We shot the breakup scene on the first day. But making a film and having my director and producer hats on, I didn’t have too much time to get in my head about it.
What decisions did you make in creating the layered narrative, which is told in voiceover, and with animation, while jumping back and forth in time, and featuring flashbacks to inform viewers about both characters?
Dealing with grief and losing someone from a relationship is messy. It’s not linear, and you do go up and down with it. I wanted to get that feeling across and portray how that feels visually. The voiceover is meant to be messy, as well — all of Benji’s thoughts and feelings being processed.
You do give us insights into Jake’s life, some of which viewers know before Benji. Can you talk about how you represented his character?
Jake is a toxic character, but I also wanted to show it’s deeper than that and explore where it came from. I wanted it to feel real. Looking at people who hurt me in the past, sometimes you look at what brought them to that — it’s not an excuse. I wanted to explore where his actions maybe came from, and the layers of undealt trauma to make him more three dimensional than just this asshole. I wanted to explore his past and show it from all angles not just Benji’s.
How did you develop your onscreen relationship with David Tag? He has a very attractive-repellant nature on screen. Did you guide him to play Jake or do specific work to create the dynamic between him and Benji?
Neil and I are friends with David and we worked with him on our short, “Sam.” We had a rapport, and he knows my and Neil’s history, and his self-tape was the best for this. He got the script and was Jake. He captured it perfectly. We had freedom to do a scripted take and then do an improv, so some takes are improvised. We played around with it.
“Departures” addresses Benji’s low self-esteem, body issues, and insecurities. He disassociates at times to cope with a reality he can’t handle. This is very impactful. Can you discuss this aspect of the film?
I probably processed things similarly, and maybe that part of it comes from me. It also came from research into sexual assault, which is when Benji dissociates. That was influenced by Neil. I think the way I deal with loss is the same as Benji. It is quite personal in that respect.
What can you say about the sex in the film? There are some intimate scenes, but they are often rough, with tenderness largely being shown in scenes of cuddling. Benji often has sex with folks as a youth, or post-breakup, when he does not love himself. That may be why he can’t be fulfilled. Thoughts?
I feel like a lot of people can go into that hookup culture to try to numb feelings and pain and have sex without attachment to try to get over someone. That comes from personal experiences from me or people I know. A lot of it is my life and truth. It comes from my experiences as a gay man in my 30s, and what I’ve seen, and done to cope, and as a gay man.
Your very personal story is also very universal. Surely folks have told you how it speaks to them. What can you say about the responses you’ve had from folks who have see the film?
A lot of straight audiences have to me, “I was in a toxic relationship, and this reminds me of what happened to me.” The grief afterwards is quite universal. I am glad this film reaches everybody. I think it is about a human emotion a lot of us go through — processing loss, whether it was toxic or not. We all experience it at some point. I think a lot of people universally have felt the feelings that Benji has. When I was making it, I wasn’t aware it was so universal, but I was feeling it myself. I hope it starts conversations about toxicity in relationship There is quite a bit of shame attached to that. There is also shame in grieving the relationship. But it leaves a mark on you.
“Departures” | Directed by Neil Ely and Lloyd Eyre-Morgan | Opening April 27 at the IFC Center | Distributed by Strand Releasing
