Randy Rainbow Rules

Randy Rainbow Rules

Only Randy Rainbow got me through the soul-crushing absurdity of last week. Mr. Rainbow’s hilarious reimagining of the title song from “Camelot” made more sense than anything Congress did — or did not do — regarding now-Justice Brett Kavanaugh, a title that makes about as much sense as Justice Clarence Thomas. I encourage you to see it at youtube.com/watch?v=6gG0-6Ntx7w.

And that is all I’m going to say about the Kavanaugh disgrace.

During the presidential election of 2016, I found comfort by obsessively checking fivethirtyeight.com, the statistician Nate Silver’s website on which he makes political forecasts. News flash: Hillary was supposed to win. So I’ve given up on Nate Silver. As the great orator George W. Bush memorably said, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, won’t get fooled again.”

There is no comfort to be found. So…

It’s time for another stroll down Crackpot Alley! We must find amusement wherever we can. Me? I always like to see what our nutsy-cuckoo-crazy antagonists are up to.

We start off with one Dr. Jeff Mirus. Dr. Mirus, his biography notes, earned a PhD in history from Princeton, after which he evidently became a full-time whack job. Here’s a sample of his recent “work” as seen on the website CatholicCulture.org: “I would like to clear away three other fallacies which lie at the root of this challenge, a challenge which is more emotional than analytical, and more culturally-conditioned than genuinely emotional. [What?]

“Fallacy 1: Unprovable Assumptions: When we see gay men in what we might call committed equal relationships, this tells us nothing about other manifestations of their fundamentally disordered affectivity, manifestations which may be deliberately kept dark. This is true of any situation, of course, but it is far more significant when we are dealing with people who are deliberately indulging a truly disordered affectivity of any kind, especially in a culture which condemns as deeply unfair the restriction of consensual fulfillment of any form of sexual desire. (In any case, it is fair to say at least that a strong connection between homosexuality and pedophilia has been recognized for millennia.)”

Brilliant! When in doubt, cite the Dark Ages and other high points of the Cenozoic Era as models of human achievement.

What is this person talking about? I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m bored with him and ready to move along to another deadbeat on Crackpot Alley.

Oh, here’s something promising: “Court dismisses Satanists’ case against pro-life laws” on LifeSiteNews, always a good go-to site if you’re looking for sick fun: “Satanists who argued Missouri’s abortion laws interfere with their constitutional freedom of religion saw their case thrown out by the 8th US Circuit Court of Appeals earlier this week.

“The lawsuit brought by the Satanic Temple and an anonymous woman, referred to only as Mary Doe and described as a member of the Satanic Temple in court documents, was dismissed by the court because Doe lacked constitutional standing. ‘After becoming pregnant, she sought an abortion in St. Louis, Missouri,’ wrote the circuit court judges in their decision. ‘She complied with certain state-mandated procedures, which the complaint alleges constituted direct and unwelcome personal contact with religion, in violation of the Free Exercise and Establishment Clauses. After receiving the abortion, she filed this lawsuit in federal court seeking a series of declarations, an injunction, and attorneys’ fees and costs,’ reads the decision.

“In their unanimous ruling, the judges tossed out the lawsuit — upholding a lower court’s decision — because Doe was not pregnant when she filed it.”

I don’t know about you, but I was disappointed in this story. For some reason I expect more red meat in a piece about a Satanic temple in St. Louis. Don’t you?

I’m not giving up on LifeSiteNews, though, and neither should you. And… bingo!: “22-year-old with same sex attraction begs Synod: Don’t change Church teaching on homosexuality.” As though the essential point of the article was to prove that lesbians can be as bonkers as anyone else, the reporter, John-Henry Westen, writes: “Avera Maria Santo, a 22-year-old woman who experiences same-sex attractions, wrote a powerful open letter to the bishops of the Catholic Church about the topic of homosexuality, which is being discussed at the Youth Synod currently underway in Rome. LifeSiteNews has learned that the letter is circulating among the Synod Fathers.

“‘As someone who has not only grown up in the Church, but has also come to love her and her teachings for myself, I would hate to see her teachings altered in any way, especially in a way that could cause such a grave amount of damage,’ she writes.

“Santo, a member of the Catholic group Courage, says she was ‘devastated’ when she learned of the agenda of some to try to change the Church’s teaching on the matter at the Synod. Pleading with the bishops, she writes, ‘Keep the Church’s teachings on homosexuality good, true, and beautiful.’ She admits that at first she didn’t like what she heard when she learned the Church’s teaching, but it was what she ‘needed to hear.’ Being in a same sex relationship, she notes, ‘could ultimately block me from spending my eternity with my one true love, Jesus.’”

I’m sorry, but the last sentence is just plain creepy. I suspect that Jesus might want a say in the matter. And that whole Bride of Christ business never made any sense to me. The idea of hundreds of thousands of virginal nuns having lurid, late-night fantasies about their bridegroom is not something I care to think about.

For no reason at all, this reminds me of my old pal Michael’s story of life as a teacher in the New York City public school system, specifically as a history teacher at a high school with a large Latino population. He called me one day and, in weary tones, announced, “Today I actually found myself writing a note to the principal saying, ‘And then Jesus told me to go fuck myself.’”

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