The rise in transphobia in recent years has had real impacts on the lives of transgender people. It did for me. In recognition of Transgender Day of Visibility, I am sharing my story in hopes that it can spread awareness and help others who might be facing similar situations.
I was a regular customer of a restaurant called Hooters in upstate New York for almost 10 years. In many ways, the restaurant felt like a home away from home and was a place of community for me. I would often visit Hooters with my father, and I grew to know many of the staff and regular customers. However, all of that changed when I began to explore my gender identity and realized that I am a transgender woman.
In June of 2019, I began HRT but still presented as male until late June of 2021, when I had my facial feminization surgery and breast augmentation, and had my legal documents changed. In August of 2021, I came back to the restaurant wearing stereotypically feminine clothing and makeup. As soon as I went into Hooters after making these changes, the familiar faces I had known for years suddenly turned cold and treated me with hostility and disdain. I asked staff members to use she/her pronouns for me, but they refused to recognize my gender identity. Instead, they intentionally continued to refer to me as “he.” I overheard comments like “he thinks he’s a she” and “he used to be a man.” I learned that waitstaff were outing me to other customers without my knowledge or consent, putting me in danger of further harassment or assault. Hooters staff would even make comments about me using the women’s bathroom, insinuating that I was a “creep” who would harm cisgender women if I entered this space, and began spreading false rumors about me. I felt demonized and humiliated by people I once considered my friends. How could they feel this way about me just because I was finally able to show who I really was?
In today’s political climate, many people hear negative stereotypes and narratives about transgender people on the news, and I believe this influenced staff and customers at Hooters to treat me worse than they otherwise would have. To me, this is part of a larger issue where right-wing news outlets demonize trans people, and the public sees and internalizes those messages and then they treat transgender people badly in their lives.
I experienced being demonized firsthand when in 2022, I was kicked out of Hooters because of my gender identity and the stereotypes that Hooters staff believed about me. On a crowded night in front of a mass of people, many of whom I had known for years, I was very publicly told that I was no longer welcome because of who I am. This experience was humiliating and devastating to me. I felt that they wanted to make an example out of me.
In addition to patronizing the restaurant, I also sought employment there three times. However, I was rejected. I knew that this was because of my gender identity. Hooters only hires women to be servers, and they did not see me as a “real woman.”
After going through this experience, I knew that I wanted to hold Hooters accountable for the way they treated me, so that other people in the LGBTQ+ community might not have to experience what I went through. I filed a complaint with the New York State Division of Human Rights and I am currently awaiting a hearing on my case. In my view, holding them accountable is the right thing to do. I felt that if I just gave in, it would embolden them. When I listen to the news today, and the way transgender people are talked about, it feels dystopian. I feel like a second-class citizen. And I knew that I needed to do my part to stand up for my rights.
I’m thankful to live in a blue state like New York, where transgender people have state-level protections so that I have an opportunity to seek redress for the harm done to me. This isn’t the case in places like Florida and Texas. My hope for the future is that people will meet and get to know more trans people in their lives, and start to see our humanity and dignity, rather than the false narratives being spread about us on the news. I believe that recognizing Transgender Day of Visibility and uplifting our stories will lead to deeper understanding, and eventually, a reversal of the harmful laws being passed about us.
