The concept of a queer prom is appealing to some LGBTQ people who still yearn for a safe space to finally experience the high school prom they either missed or didn’t enjoy because they felt excluded.
But it’s not just queer proms. Many community members also realize other elements of their youth — like playing sports — could have been more enjoyable if they were more readily accepted.
That is the case for at least some of the players who participate in the New York Gay Football League, a local flag football league with as many as 300 LGBTQ players and some allies who join together to play two 10-week seasons — mid-March through late May and then mid-September through mid-December. The games typically take place on Saturdays on Manhattan’s west side and are played in a 7-on-7 format, which is a departure from regular football’s 11-on-11 setup.
The league is known for inclusion, welcoming everyone regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity across two divisions: an open division and a women’s+ division. There are many reasons why people decide to get involved, but multiple league members who spoke to Gay City News for this story emphasized how the league helped reignite their own love for playing sports years or even decades after they left the playing field.
Sam Lehman, a veteran member of the league who currently serves as its referee director, said he was a tough, dedicated athlete during his youth, but things started to change during his teenage years.
“The sexuality part of your being starts to come to light,” Lehman said, “and kids on the team are saying, ‘Suzy wants to kiss you’ and ‘why aren’t you talking to Suzy?’ It became very distracting, uncomfortable, and shameful, and a lot of kids leave team sports.”
Lehman ultimately quit, but said he lied to his parents, saying he disliked his coach.
“The truth was,” he said, “I wanted to run away from conversations about ‘why aren’t you kissing girls?’”
Lehman said he was reintroduced to sports at age 26 when he decided to join the New York Gay Football League. He immediately felt the camaraderie of teammates, the boost of confidence it can bring, and the general enthusiasm associated with playing.
“I missed it so much, and everything came back to me,” he said.
Molly Lenore, a trans woman who formerly served as the long-time commissioner of the league, also noted the refreshing nature of participating in an LGBTQ sports league after so many years away.
“In my younger days, I was very active in sports as a male,” Lenore, who played football, baseball, and football as a youth, told Gay City News. “When I transitioned, I thought I would lose a lot of that — and I did for awhile, especially the bonds I had with my male teammates who I had in my life.”
Monty Clinton, the current league commissioner, said players hail from different backgrounds and different hometowns, but many of them were not comfortable in the locker room when they played sports in their youth.
“This gives people the opportunity to relive those years,” he said.
The league, however, isn’t just for those trying to reestablish their relationship with sports. For many others, it’s a way to find community or occupy themselves.
Clinton said many members have joined the league without ever having picked up a football, but he conceded that “some of the best people are the ones who never played.” Many of the league’s members are not from the New York City area, so they often seek out new friends through the league. Many league members also enjoy off-the-field events.
“People come for the football, but they stay for community and friendship,” Clinton told Gay City News. “If it’s just about the football, you can get a lot of turnover.”
Briana Jacobson, who is the assistant commissioner of the women’s+ division, echoed those points, saying, “The league provides a sense of community, camaraderie, and lasting friendships that enrich our players’ experiences far beyond the field.”
The question of why people join the league also looms over members who are not part of the LGBTQ community. In fact, Clinton emphasized that allies have helped step in as coaches, quarterbacks, and in other capacities — including teaching — in support of the league.
“They say, ‘I’ve joined other football leagues, and you guys are so organized, supportive, welcoming — we don’t think of whether you’re gay or straight,’” Clinton said. “If you’re here to help support the community, the community is open arms.”
In a sign of its staying power, the New York Gay Football League celebrated its 20th anniversary on March 1, capping a two-decade span during which the league expanded in size and added the women’s+ division after initially starting with just the open division.
The league has fostered close ties with the New York Giants, as well as the broader NFL, over the last decade — a sign of Big Blue’s commitment to the LGBTQ community. Clinton said the Giants started supporting the league informally around the time New York hosted the Gay Bowl in 2007 before reestablishing closer ties in 2018-2019. The New York Gay Football League is part of the National Gay Flag Football League, which organizes the Gay Bowl every year.
The Giants are the presenting sponsor of the New York Gay Football League’s Hall of Fame event, which Giants players and owners have attended. The Giants also donated $10,000 to the league for its 20th anniversary event.
“It adds a level of importance because it allows us to showcase what we do on a bigger scale,” Clinton said of the Giants’ support. “Without their involvement, I think our amplification would be a bit less.”
For all the operational responsibilities associated with maintaining a league with hundreds of players, the common theme emerging from players in the league is that it delivers a burst of enjoyment and social interaction that would not necessarily have been possible without it. That theme has also been evident in other leagues, such as the Prospect Park Women’s Softball League, which also has hundreds of LGBTQ players and some allies who gather to play games in Brooklyn.
In just one example of this, Lehman recalled a story of a 31-year-old player in the New York Gay Football League whose parents came to watch him play. The player had an interception and ran it back for a touchdown — commonly known as a “pick six” in football — and he and his dad immediately ran to hug each other after the play.
“It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen,” Lehman said. “His dad’s admiration happened to be later in life, but it’s the same approval of your dad — it’s the same exhilaration. We see that time and time again. I talk to the fathers when I’m on the sideline and I see the same thing over and over again: ‘This league changed my kid’s life.’”
He added: “The obvious things are that you’re playing sports and picking up a bowl and throwing the ball. But the subconscious parts are that you’re becoming a better person, your self esteem is increasing, your confidence is going up. Those parts of being in these organizations are really wonderful.”
Learn more about the New York Gay Football League at nygayfootball.org.
