For many gay men, the path to fatherhood through surrogacy can seem complex, daunting, and costly. However, with a growing interest and more accessible resources, the journey is at least becoming clearer, especially for men in New York City.
In 2005, a group of gay men met at New York City’s LGBT Center to discuss surrogacy due to the limited resources and the complexities of needing egg donors and surrogates. These gatherings evolved into a nonprofit known as Men Having Babies, which began hosting traveling conferences for prospective fathers in 2012. On Sept. 13-15, gay men interested in exploring their fatherhood options will reunite again in midtown Manhattan at the annual New York Surrogacy Conference & Expo.
Registration is now open for $40 per person. Men Having Babies offers a weekend of informative programming with more than 12 talks to learn all the basics of starting a parenting journey through surrogacy.
It has been more than three years since the implementation of New York State’s law legalizing paid gestational surrogacy, which is when a surrogate carries a baby without any biological relation. While there are paths forward for some couples, it remains prohibitively expensive for most people. It costs tens of thousands of dollars — often times even more than $100,000 — to have a baby through gestational surrogacy. The cost of a surrogacy pregnancy can go beyond $125,000, according to Creative Family Connections, a surrogacy agency.
The sessions at New York Surrogacy Conference & Expo include how to financially plan out each phase of the process, what to think of when picking an egg donor, legal and medical considerations for the surrogacy parenthood path, guidance on selecting an agency, and factors that impact prospective parents’ timelines. Additionally, Men Having Babies added new sessions for the New York City conference. They include information on navigating surrogacy independently — without an agency — and ways to access inclusive surrogacy benefits at work.
For those who can’t attend, Men Having Babies encourages them to still explore family planning benefits at their workplace. Last year, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) issued an expanded description of infertility that is now inclusive of singles and LGBTQIA+ individuals. With each year, more self-insured workplaces are offering all employees $10,000 to $80,000 in family planning support regardless of their marital status, sexual orientation, or gender identity.
“We try to really educate our community because we believe that the more informed you are about how to make this decision, the more information you have about the overall options, the better your decision will be,” says Yan Dekel, Men Having Babies’ communication & community coordinator.
The conference also connects attendees with gay-friendly agencies, clinics, law firms, and other surrogacy providers from the New York area and across the country. Data from last year’s attendees show that approximately 69% of attendees are from the tri-state, with the remaining 31% coming from other states and countries such as Canada and Japan.
Single and married men will also have the opportunity to build community with each other through various moments of connection, including a welcome reception, a social night out, and a lunch workshop for prospective single fathers.
“I feel that the most rewarding thing in a conference is seeing how many people are in the same boat as you are. To see how many other people like you are clueless about surrogacy and trying to learn as much as you are trying to learn,” says Dekel.
Dekel adds, “We’ve also seen more and more single guys who have decided not to wait to have a relationship in order to become fathers, and they’re trying to do this by themselves. A single man talks to me before the conference, thinking that they’re only one, and suddenly you’re in a room with 40 other single guys who have the same worries as you do. It’s really amazing. It’s comforting, and it’s a totally different feeling than trying to figure it out by yourself on the Internet.”
While the conference provides attendees with extensive information, it can be overwhelming. Dekel emphasizes that attending allows participants to gather information from a credible source rather than navigating the Internet alone, where information may be unreliable, limited, or confusing.
Whether you’re ready to start your fatherhood journey or simply explore your options, the MHB 2024 New York Surrogacy Conference & Expo offers insights and connections to help you make informed decisions. To register, visit menhavingbabies.org/surrogacy-seminars/ny/ and uncover the best path for you.
