No Conspiracy Theory Too Wack for the Donald

The birth certificate of the 44th president of the United States, from Honolulu, Hawaii. Hopefully the 45th president's will be from Chicago, Illinois.

The birth certificate of the 44th president of the United States, from Honolulu, Hawaii. Hopefully, the 45th president's will be from Chicago, Illinois (sorry, Queens, New York).

Bet you didn’t know that President Barack Obama is “a sexual deviant and Michelle Obama is a transvestite.”

According to Brian Tashman of Right Wing Watch, Dr. Jerry Johnson of the National Religious Broadcasters recently “guest-hosted the Family Research Council’s radio program ‘Washington Watch’ and spent and spent the entire time railing against facility access for transgender students. One caller, Patsy, chimed in to say that it is no wonder President Obama has taken a stance in favor of nondiscrimination policies” since the president is a perv and his wife’s a drag queen.

“‘Why can’t people get the facts?’ the caller asked,” according to Tashman.

Good question, Patsy!

Tashman continues: “Johnson, in a hurry to move on,” – I can’t imagine why – “said that alleging that Michelle Obama is a ‘transvestite’ may not be the most helpful political strategy.”

Prize for understatement.

Media Circus

“That’s a theory that’s out there,” Johnson replied, “but I think, actually, Patsy, and to the listeners out there, we’ve got to come against this really in a different way, we don’t need that kind of theory to oppose this. And it’s an accusation that I’ve seen out there but there’s no fact to that. The facts, though, of this case are clear and that is the president is pushing this agenda and foisting it upon the schools.”


Tashman concludes his short piece by noting that “the theory that the first lady is a transgender woman has been promoted by Alex Jones, a prominent Donald Trump endorser, and other far-right conspiracy theory outlets.”

We pause for a moment to slap ourselves back into reality.

Whap! That wasn’t enough. Whap whap whap!

Okay. Let’s continue with Tashman at his keyboard: “It is critical to remember the people whom Trump initially invited into his campaign: a range of pundits and preachers who have pushed racist, xenophobic, and truly insane beliefs throughout their careers. No endorser was out of bounds for Trump, whether it was a pastor who believes Starbucks injects semen from gay men into its lattes in order to spread Ebola or a radio host who thinks that alien creatures secretly run the government.”

Whoa. Even I didn’t see that last one coming, and I’m one of the guys who donate their Ebola-laden jizz to Starbucks! (Some guys do it for the money, but I’m in it solely for the sexual gratification – that and the destruction of Our Way of Life.)

As for aliens running the government, it makes sense if you think about it. Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, and Clarence Thomas are obviously under the nefarious secret command of Interplanetary Commissar Louie Gohmert (you may know him only as a crackpot Texas Republican member of Congress), who comes from Uranus.

Sorry – never have been able to resist a Uranus joke. Maybe that’s why an English professor once wrote “jejune” on one of my papers.

Back to Tashman: “Trump’s top confidant, Roger Stone, a conservative operative who has called for Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders to be killed, has been on Jones’ show nearly every week during the campaign.”

Wait just a sec. Did we just skim past a call for the two candidates’ deaths? Yup – it’s the Trump campaign. Rules once cherished no longer apply. You can call for maniacs to murder candidates now.

Moving right along: “Jones has bragged that he advises Trump off-air and took credit for the candidates’ conspiracy theory about Rafael Cruz, the father of Trump’s former rival Ted Cruz, being involved in the assassination of John F. Kennedy.”

In other words, the most inane piece of crap served up to the American people’s insatiable appetite for bullshit.

You think you’re on dangerous footing now. Warning: we’re about to take a few steps out of the galaxy.

“Jones” –– whose radio show Trump has appeared on –– “thinks that President Obama is literally ‘a demonic creature’ who is out to assassinate Trump after successfully murdering Justice Antonin Scalia and conservative activist Andrew Breitbart, and that he, along with Pope Francis, is determined to kill anywhere between 90 million and 1 billion people… He even believes that juice boxes are turning children gay — ‘the reason there’s so many gay people now is because it’s a chemical warfare operation!’ — and that the LGBT rights movement is bent on the extermination of humanity.”

Hmmm. Well! Uh… Okay. What can one say in response to this crap? The word lunacy has lost all meaning in TrumpWorld. After all, Trump himself is the most prominent “birther” theorist in the world – the crank idea that Barack Obama’s mother, in collusion with the State of Hawaii and possibly the government of Kenya, knew with the certainty of Mary that her son was destined for greatness and altered his Kenyan birth certificate to say that he was born in the US and therefore eligible to run for president.

Conspiracy theories are to Donald Trump as shit is to flies. Flies, you’ll recall, are indiscriminate – dog shit, horseshit, human shit… It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s shit. This is what we have come to.

With all the glowing tributes pouring in for Muhammad Ali, one might be forgiven – might be, but won’t be – for forgetting just how reviled the man was during the 1960s, when he changed his “slave name,” Cassius Clay; when he joined the fearsome Nation of Islam; and when he refused to serve in Vietnam. I remember. What I don’t recall is anyone standing up for him. He was the most hated man in America at certain points in the 1960s, and he didn’t care what anyone thought of his actions. He was a revolutionary. Big, and bold, and beautiful, and angry as fucking hell. That’s the Ali I remember.

As a fellow Parkinsonian, I find Ali’s death to be especially disheartening. All you well-meaning acquaintances out there: ask yourself about all of the supposedly successful treatments that are being developed now –– all the great drugs you keep telling me about, ones that never have names let alone clinical trials, the ones you read about someplace but can’t remember exactly where. Well they didn’t help Ali much, did they?

And turning his death into feel-good two-minute spots on the news? I watched NBC do it and then didn’t change the channel fast enough to prevent Mario Lopez from doing it on “Extra.”

Show some respect.

Follow @EdSikov on Twitter and Facebook.